Social Lessons Learned in College

In a fairly random order...

Nothing you say to a 19-year-old boy is going to convince him that drinking Redbull and playing video games until 4 a.m. the night before an exam is a colossal mismangement of time.

However, consuming massive amounts of Redbull to finish the part of a project your group-member flaked on is perfectly acceptable.

Cheerleaders are not dumb. Well, some of them are. But this is an over-used and under-thought stereotype.

What a "MILF" is and to never tell your husband when you're called this name.

What a "Playa Hata" is (and don't make the mistake of pronouncing it "PlayER HatER" or you will undoubtedly be laughed at.

It's not the best idea to accept an offer to teach assist a class of 200 privileged freshman - several of whom claim to be ADD.

ADD in most cases is a bullshit diagnosis. Humans aren't designed to sit at desks all day and have every physical task solved for them digitally. It's no wonder energetic kids have a hard time focusing. Don't give them medication that they're most likely going to end up selling in the library parking lot. Give them EXERCISE!

And speaking of drugs - it's evidently uncool to say, "Is that a marijuana cigarette?" when at a project group-member's apartment. It's POT, people!

Set boundaries. If not, you're going to be getting 2 a.m. texts regarding insensitive boys and untolerable roommates.

Some people hate being told what to do, and some can't function without being told EXACTLY what to do. It's critical to make these determinations at the very start of any collaborative effort.

Husbands don't always understand when you leave him with the kids on a Sunday afternoon after saying, "My BFF is in a crisis with that stupid linebacker again. BRB!" Noted.

Taking Vicoden directly before a film discussion class is not the best idea. (I was two weeks post major knee surgery and it was prescribed...no judging! :) Doing this leads you to say outloud things like, "That? Was the dumbest thing I ever sat through." And when asked to explain, responding with, "Ummm. Because nobody would ever ACT like that. Mr. Professor. Sir." I guess my high-as-a-kite self doesn't appreciate the intricacies and nuances of the film noir genre.

Going to the dean to complain about a professor when you have a 94 average in the class isn't something he'll ever understand. I felt terribly responsible when said professor was fired the following semester. But hey - maybe things would have been different if you actually TAUGHT.

When you walk into what's supposed to be "blow-off" class (Hey - I was still on pain meds...and it was summer!), and the entire freshman football team files in after you, you should probably go ahead and drop immediately. In all seriousness, though - I have never consistently laughed so hard at 8 a.m. in my entire life.

If a kid looks high, they are. No exceptions.

Don't offer to share your notes with the girl who is later deemed to have had Mono. Who gets Mono in their early 30's? I do.

Sociology classes should come with a prescription for Prozac. Particularly if the words "women" or "juvenile" or "environment" are in the course titles.

When trying to build the self-esteem of an inner-city young man, your kindness may be misinterpreted and result in e-mails saying things like, "If you ever get tired of your husband and want to try something new..." Makes for an extremely awkward rest of the semester.

Wearing Uggs (blech) with super short shorts and a heavy coat is perfectly acceptable winter attire.

Staying with the shoe theme: Meaningful and enduring friendships can be sparked over a mutual hatred of Crocs.

If you admonish a young person by saying "Mouth!" when they use the "F" word, they are going to liberally use the "F" word in your presence at every given opportunity.

Same goes for the "N" word when uttered by those who have earned the right to use it when referring to their friends.

There are a zillion more, but for now I think these should suffice. :)