May 9th 2007

Thursday, April 19, 2007

May 9th Current mood: melancholy Category: Life May 9th will be my last day in Massachusetts. I just booked a one way flight to Dallas for Aaron and me. Scott and Nathan are driving. (I just smiled and nodded when he volunteered to do that... Any revenge I feel the need to inflict on him due to the fact that he's been a complete bastard lately will take place on that several-day trip. Talk about passive aggressive behavior on my part!) I'm sad to be leaving. I'm sad because my sister isn't talking to me right now and doesn't realize the pain she's causing me...the irreparable pain. I'm sad that I'm leaving behind my sisters, life long friends and my niece who I won't get to see grow up. I'm sad that the whole reason I moved back to this place was to get closer to my family and it seems I've only grown further apart... Moving away - to some degree lessens the reality of that situation and makes it easier to explain to my children. But there is much to be happy about too. We'll live in a big house and I won't have to trip over toys in the livingroom or my husband when I'm fighting for the sink in the morning. I won't pay 2000.00 a month for daycare on top of 2000.00 a month for a mortgage. I won't have to come to a job every day that I feel demeans me. (Maybe not the job...maybe some of the people??) I'll get to go to school!! (Still haven't been accepted where I want to go...still waiting...) I'm happy that we'll have Scott's mother and sister close by to support us. Massachusetts for me holds so many conflicting memories and emotions. Honestly I'm not the person I was when I grew up here. So many people misunderstand me and my intentions. I'm looking forward to starting over. But I guess that's what I always look forward to. Some day I suppose I'll have to settle down and deal with things in a way that doesn't involve up and moving - but for the time being...Yee Haw.